Josephine + Charles: a surprise proposal at UBC

They say good wine gets better with age.

Josephine and Charles first met in grade 11 at a science event at UBC, and later ended up living in the same dorm at UBC in first year. They would meet in their dorm to read Harry Potter books together! How cute is that! Last year, Charles went to Toronto for pharmacy work and he had to decide whether he would further his career there or come back to be with the girl of his life. He chose the latter.

I first met Charles the summer of last year, right after he had returned from Toronto, at the paintball bachelor party of Justin (whose wedding I shot). Charles was one of the groomsmen at Justin and Jenny's wedding. This April, Charles emailed me about shooting his surprise proposal to Josephine, for which I was excited because I was also planning my very own proposal at that time! It was a funny moment because we had some mutual friends, and we needed to keep both our proposals a secret! While running on the excitement of my own proposal in May, I got to shoot Charles' proposal on June 16. Everything felt so much more real and to the bone because I could relate with Charles as he told me about his sleepless nights and endless planning, while trying to spend time with his girlfriend pretending that nothing was happening. Yup, I know how that feels.

Charles told Josephine that he had hired me for a photoshoot because they never had formal photos together. So, she suspected nothing =) We started at Nitobe Garden (funny enough a lady asked them if they were having pre-wedding photos), and then quickly made our way to Rose Garden, where the surprise lay waiting. Charles had prepared two giant Muk Muks, SEWING and creating the tux and wedding gown, with the help of his sister. He told me he watched endless videos to learn. Wow, the details were definitely there and I am so impressed! Hope you enjoy their story!

confessions of a control-freak: "when Yahweh speaks"

I admit it. I just like to control things a bit too much. Yes, including people.

Prelude

Being a control-freak has been a long, ongoing struggle of mine since my high school days of perfectionism, but it has been only the recent two years that I have really noticed its strong hold on my life. I would try to impose my own standard on people and try to "work harder" in order to get something done the way I wanted.

I repented of that. Once, twice, and a few more times...

But...have you ever had sin in your life that you repented of, but then it unconsciously crept back into your life? Does it sound familiar? It should, because that's the story of Israel, a nation that fell into a constant cycle of repenting but then immediately choosing to rebel against God (think wilderness wandering, period of Judges, Babylonian exile, and more). Indeed, Moses asked God to go in the midst of the people BECAUSE Israel was a stiff necked people (Exodus 34:9) 

I am no different.

What now...

These past weeks have been tough. My parents were gone for 2 weeks, leaving me to cook, clean, walk kaka, drive around and do all the errands, while also writing 2 major papers. Not to complain, because I realize many people lead busy lives like this, but what I do realize is that this weariness made me want to rely more on my own organizational skills rather than God's grace. To be honest, I was even tired of leading small group because I felt like I needed to do something different to change people. 

I was frustrated. I wanted to be in the lives of my teens. I wanted them to change. I wanted to know them better and hang out with them. 

Do you see a pattern? It was all about what I wanted. Now, that's always a sign something is going massively wrong, but I was blind to it at the time. On Tues, Anna and I had our devo time on Luke 19, and the parable of the Ten Minas grabbed my attention. For the first time, I truly felt like the unfaithful servant. I prayed, and I pondered... "why God, why?"

I didn't understand. But, I knew God was doing something.

During our midweek small group that night I was equally confused and confessed that to my friends there. As I was driving Anna home, she helped me realize that I was trying so hard "to do" more things to change people, rather than simply to love them. After all, Jesus said:

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" -John 13:35

Jesus didn't say that by doing more godly and great things people will know you are my disciples. No...I realized I needed to stop doing tasks and be still before Yahweh, the personal God who speaks and lives in history, his story, of which my story plays a small part. Then as I was driving back home, this song I had never listened to before plays on my playlist...

Are you tired?

Worn out and empty?

Is your soul weary?

Have you tried releasing your burdens?

Do you feel the weight of worry?

Each line struck my heart like an arrow. It was like a divine intervention, as if God were saying "hey iggy, do you know you've got problems?" then the next lines came...

I am the rest you need

I am the Prince of Peace

Enter the rest of God

Come to me

Burdens will fly away

Walk with me.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace

I was floored. I am still astonished. Wow, Yahweh...thank you for speaking. It's a reminder. I need these reminders, Jesus. Thank you. It is time for me to stop worrying about WHAT to do. I will spend daily time with you, simply being in your presence.

Time to stop doing. Time to BE.

*this is the song by Brian Doerkson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFFa-C95RSU

Les Misérables, Iggy's movie of 2012

So: to the one who is capable of doing far, far more than

we can ask or imagine, granted the power which is working in us--

to him be the glory, in the church, and in King Jesus, to all

generations, and to the ages of ages! Amen!

-Ephesians 2:20-21

You may be wondering how this passage relates at all to Les Mis. I will return to it shortly.

I remember first being introduced to Les Mis in concert band 11, when Ms. Zee showed us a band arrangement of Les Mis songs for concert band. In the process, she sang a few of those famous lines which have been heard all across the world since Susan Boyle came onto Britain's Got Talent...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

So all those years ago, I began to adore the music from Les Mis...shortly after we watched the movie (not musical version) starring Liam Neeson in our French class, and then I bought the dvd for the 20th anniversary Les Mis production. I think it was in 2009 in London that I watched it on broadway, and had my mind blown. That was my encounter with Les Mis. Then, I watched the new Les Mis movie in theatres on Dec 31, 2012.

Wow.

There are 3 words that capture what I felt about the movie. 

*I am not trying to define the symbolism in the movie, but this is what resonated in my heart

Grace

One of the reoccurring themes in Les Mis is grace, particularly how Jean Valjean experiences grace and in turn gives grace to others. In the beginning, Valjean steals silverware from a bishop and is caught by the police. However, instead of pressing charges, the bishop gives Valjean two more silver candlesticks, absolving him of all charges, and quietly tells Valjean that his soul has been bought from evil and given to God. Overwhelmed by this unreasonable, irrational, and surprising act of grace, Jean Valjean decides to change his life and start anew. 

Hugh Jackman's performance is a stunner. I did not expect his performance to be so powerful and raw.

Isn't it ridiculous? Who would act that way to a sinner...not only tolerating him, but instead offering him free grace when he clearly does not deserve it. It is an unbelievable image of our Father God's grace towards me, a sinner who does not deserve his grace. It challenges me. How do I offer grace and compassion? This leads me to the second word...

Compassion

Fantine is a mother who loses her job at a factory and is forced to sell herself in order to make money to send to her daughter. In the movie, Anne Hathaway does an incredible job portraying the despair and misery that Fantine has to endure for the sake of her daughter. I won't go into detail but I connected so much with her character that when she began to sing I Dreamed a Dream...I couldn't help but think of all the people who are marginalized in my own community, real living persons whose lives and dreams have also been crushed because of the cruelty of life. I thought of all the people who no longer experience love, who no longer have dreams...because they can't see anything other than pain.

At this point, Jean Valjean has compassion on Fantine, taking care of her and vowing to take care of her daughter also. In contrast, inspector Javert calls her a liar and wants to arrest her. He thinks she fabricates a sappy story to get money (won't go into detail. see movie to know full story). It seriously makes me think...when I see oppressed people on the streets of Vancouver, do I react like Valjean or Javert? Do I have compassion, or do I judge? 

Redemption

Les Mis is set around the time of the French Revolution, and the overarching story revolves around radicals who challenge the government. *SPOILER ALERT*

In the end, all the radicals are killed in the battle with the French soldiers. Jean Valjean also dies from weariness, and there is a scene where his soul is led by Fantine to another realm...and then the scene fills with light, and an image of hundreds of people on the barricades singing of their freedom and identity...singing of a place where there is no more pain and suffering. It was at this point that my tears were uncontrolled, because I imagined the day when there will be no more tears (think Revelations)...the day when death shall have no dominion and we shall all be victorious in King Jesus. There may be so much pain and suffering...and yet it is all worth it in the end. The glory is far, far more than you and I can imagine when we see God face to face.

I have only touched on the surface of the movie and done it no justice, so please watch it if you haven't yet. I am not trying to make a dogmatic claim on what Les Misérables is about, nor am I trying to impose my theology on it. What my reflections depict is how I have been affected by it...to think about how to change my current way of living.

Today

I live on earth under the kingship of Jesus. He challenges me to a lifestyle of grace, compassion, and love. Often times I think I have a good plan but he shows be that his way is better and often different from my way. Above all, I need to realize that he is able to do far, far more than I can ask or imagine. Honestly, I cannot give grace...only God can do that. I love because God first loved (1 John 5:19). And I need to acknowledge that no matter how much I learn or how much I experience, God still does far, far more than I can imagine.

Les Misérables is one story of grace, compassion, and redemption. It seems we all long to belong to a greater story...a story of Fantines and Valjeans. Many people are ignored on the streets each day because they're just another person. I'm guilty of that. I want to know the Fantines, and of course the Valjeans. But the truth is, we all live in a great story, the greater story of God's kingdom here on earth. Each person has value, and each person has his or her own story that is just as valuable as yours or mine. See that lady on the street? She is Fantine.

Each person has, or has had, a dream. I'm encouraged to uncover and encourage those dreams.

...and that is why Les Misérables is the movie of 2012 for me.

2012: from fear to faith

I chose to undertake a special project 366 in 2012, taking a photo each day to remember the highlight of the day. It has been beyond rewarding.

As I look back at the photos I realize just how much I have been shaped by God, people, and education in the past year. I think one thing stands out from 2012.

Fear

Why fear? In our culture of "fear nothing and follow your heart" it often seems easy to neglect how fear shapes us. This year I had a new experience of Paul's words in Philippians 2. It is the chapter that describes Christ's humility and character of emptying himself. Take a read yourself. For now, I want to focus on this:

Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,

for it is God who works in you,

both to work and to will for his good pleasure.

-Phil 2:12-13

Let me explain what I mean by fear.

Fear is the attitude that takes hold of me and changes the way I do things. When I fear, I try everything in my ability to create stability and certainty in my life. In other words, I try to take absolute control. And in year 2012, God has asked me to let go of that control, to turn from fear to faith.

Your question by now is probably...so what did Iggy fear so much? Well, my friends, many things...one which stood out above the rest. I feared a new relationship in which I would make myself vulnerable to a girl, and allow God to take control out of my hands. I will describe briefly what has happened in the past, and how I am changed now.

Passion 2012. A defining point in my life this past year.

The Past

I met a girl in my "Soul of Ministry" class at Regent back in January who happened to be in my small group. As we got to know each other, I really admired her heart for God and children. To make a long story short, I started to pray about whether this was the woman that God was preparing me for (when in fact, I had already started praying in 2011 about surrendering myself to God and asking him to prepare a wife for me at the appropriate timing). My biggest problem was fear. 

It wasn't so much a fear of rejection. Rather, it was a fear of losing control in my life. To pursue a relationship with a girl would mean that things in life would no longer go my own way but that I would need to make myself vulnerable and open, allowing her to make decisions that may not be in accord with my own. This may sound silly to you, but I think everyone has a fear of something. For me, it was the fear of losing control. At Passion 2012, Louie Giglio spoke on Luke 7, on how Jesus touched the dead young man and told him to arise, in the process reviving him. The question was this:

"What are the seemingly impossible things in your life right now that Jesus wants to touch and say 'GET UP'? How is he asking you to trust him in faith?"

Hmm...good question Louie. I spent the night and next day praying over this and then it hit me. I was blinded by fear of not knowing whether Anna was the right girl for me. I was afraid and didn't have the courage to love. On the night after Passion, God asked me to trust him, to turn my fear to faith. 

Fast forward 4 weeks. After school ended I finally got to go out with Anna and we talked about many things in our lives. I asked her about starting a relationship together. She replied, "let me get back to you," and I thought, "oh shoot...what went wrong?"

more fear.

Then it turned out she wanted to seek the counsel of her parents. And I thought, "God, it's in your hands now...I'll let go and allow you to work." And during that weekend of waiting, we had "Mark Project" at REC. The reoccurring motif was: "Why are you afraid? Have you no faith?" Wow. Talk about a booming affirmation from God. You can read about that in my Mark Project post. The next week, Anna and I met up and shared what had been going on, and her parents had said yes, so we decided to begin our relationship.

For those of you who have heard the story before, you know I took out a lot of the dramatic details. What I'm trying to emphasize here is the process of turning from fear to faith. It is also the story of how I let go of absolute control of my life and turned to Jesus. He has brought us together.

The Now

Much time has passed since then. We have learned so much about each other, and yet we are still learning every day. Perhaps this is what excites me. To be honest, there will always be fear, which reminds me that we need to be living each day in faith. As we grow closer in our walk, there will be more questions.

What should the future look like for us? Where will we go? How do we understand and communicate in the Chinese, Korean, Canadian culture that we are rooted in? And what does it mean to follow Jesus in all of this? 

There are still times when I have uncertainty and in those times I am tempted to take control of everything and create stability; however, Anna reminds me that I am trying to take control yet again, without being gentle and loving. And because of her gentle and sweet reminders, God shows me time and time again that I need to surrender more of my life, so that I may work out my own salvation with fear and trembling, trusting that it is God who works in me. He has all things planned. We need to prepare our hearts and step into his plans.

Salvation, you see, is not just about going to heaven after death but it is lived out in daily surrender to God so that I may live in his kingdom on earth. Salvation is to turn from fear to faith in King Jesus, so that each day I live with more of his love under his kingship. In submitting to Jesus, he changes the way I serve Anna and our families. He gives me new perspective on how to be a better lover of people.

I am still learning what it means to let go of control in my life. There are many questions ahead for our future, and of course "the big question" (as our culture likes to put it) as we discern how God is leading us together. There are many questions. The story is not finished yet, because each day God is writing our love story. I don't know what 2013 will bring exactly, but I know that God is showing me to turn from fear to faith. Thank you Jesus.

And thank you, friends, for reading this to the end. I wish you Happy New Year and pray that your year 2013 will be filled with new and exciting challenges that make you take risks in life and discover who God has created you to be.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!