Before you unleash rage and discontent at my title, please read to the end and see where I'm coming from. You may be surprised. Anyway, as someone who grew up in Vancouver, I always wondered what Chinese New Year is. What is worth celebrating and why do we celebrate anyway? So, here are some thoughts to get you thinking, remembering, and understanding.
1. Chinese New Year is more about good fortunes than family relationships.
How many times have you heard "gong hay fat choi" thrown around, without actually thinking about what it means? When you gather with family, is it more about catching up on life, or getting the right things done so you get off to a right start to the new year? I asked my parents why people have historically celebrated CNY, and they tell me that it was a time for families to gather together from all around, and have dinner together. I suppose this is equivalent to Christmas for us growing up in the West. From my experiences of gathering with families or walking around Chinese malls though, it seems like the primary concern is good fortune rather than family. Everyone knows we are supposed to celebrate family...the ads tell us that too, but it doesn't seem that way (my same concern with Christmas).
2. We don't actually care for gathering with our family as much as we care about receiving "red pockets."
To be honest, growing up I never thought about family for CNY. All I knew was that I would get these juicy little red pockets, which contained cash (and hopefully lots of it). Now that I'm older, I really start to ask: what's the purpose/story behind red pocket? Why is it that in Asian cultures, we think of money as the best gift? Money seems to be valued over spending quality time together. Have you ever had relatives say something along the lines of, "I can't spend time with you during CNY but I'll make sure you get your red pocket!" Now, I'm not saying we should get rid of red pockets, but shouldn't we at least think about why we give or receive them? (again, I have similar sentiments about Christmas)
3. At family gatherings, it is all about learning to "tolerate" those relatives (or in some cases, your parents).
Watch this video. You may need some tissues.
While I think the video is beautiful in highlighting what it means to be a family, it also shows an obvious problem with Asian families. The issue: it's all about tolerating. Any family, you see, will have problems in communication. In my experience, Asian parents don't like to be vulnerable and share their feelings; hence, the kids also learn not to share their feelings/life with their parents. You can see in the video how much the father loves his son, but how is it that he never learned to express his love before the huge crisis? Yes, I get it. We often need a wake up call in life to change our behaviour.
However, what would it look like if we got to be authentic with our families at CNY. What would it look like if we stopped simply tolerating those annoying relatives, but talked with them and loved them first, instead of putting on a mask that is always smiling. In fact, I really can't stand it when families have to smile all the time to show that we are all "one big happy family." Stop tolerating. Learn to listen and express your feelings with your families even if it means you won't please everyone. Let's be real around the dinner table. This brings me to my next point...
4. We are more concerned with success (business, school, etc.) rather than sharing authentic stories.
When was the last time you heard a raw, authentic story around the CNY dinner table that allowed you to know the ups and downs of that person's life that year? When was the last time that you could feel what that person was feeling, and make you want to know him/her more?
It seems to me that we like to tell stories, but they are only stories of success, like good business or achieving good grades. Often times, it is a list of things we have achieved in the past year. The new year is about celebrating, so they say, and you shouldn't talk about anything that is negative! I really wish that we could share about our failures around the dinner table, so we can all identify with each other and realize that life is not perfect. How can we understand success and the fulness of life until we first be real with each other and share our failures?
5. Chinese New Year is all about consumerism.
Let's be honest. We want the new year to be better than the last year. And that's all right! We should all aim higher. The problem I see is when we try to worship God/gods/idols, hoping that we make the right sacrifices so that our year will have better fortune.
and finally...
Happy Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese New Year!
1. Chinese New Year is more about good fortunes than family relationships.
How many times have you heard "gong hay fat choi" thrown around, without actually thinking about what it means? When you gather with family, is it more about catching up on life, or getting the right things done so you get off to a right start to the new year? I asked my parents why people have historically celebrated CNY, and they tell me that it was a time for families to gather together from all around, and have dinner together. I suppose this is equivalent to Christmas for us growing up in the West. From my experiences of gathering with families or walking around Chinese malls though, it seems like the primary concern is good fortune rather than family. Everyone knows we are supposed to celebrate family...the ads tell us that too, but it doesn't seem that way (my same concern with Christmas).
2. We don't actually care for gathering with our family as much as we care about receiving "red pockets."
To be honest, growing up I never thought about family for CNY. All I knew was that I would get these juicy little red pockets, which contained cash (and hopefully lots of it). Now that I'm older, I really start to ask: what's the purpose/story behind red pocket? Why is it that in Asian cultures, we think of money as the best gift? Money seems to be valued over spending quality time together. Have you ever had relatives say something along the lines of, "I can't spend time with you during CNY but I'll make sure you get your red pocket!" Now, I'm not saying we should get rid of red pockets, but shouldn't we at least think about why we give or receive them? (again, I have similar sentiments about Christmas)
3. At family gatherings, it is all about learning to "tolerate" those relatives (or in some cases, your parents).
Watch this video. You may need some tissues.
While I think the video is beautiful in highlighting what it means to be a family, it also shows an obvious problem with Asian families. The issue: it's all about tolerating. Any family, you see, will have problems in communication. In my experience, Asian parents don't like to be vulnerable and share their feelings; hence, the kids also learn not to share their feelings/life with their parents. You can see in the video how much the father loves his son, but how is it that he never learned to express his love before the huge crisis? Yes, I get it. We often need a wake up call in life to change our behaviour.
However, what would it look like if we got to be authentic with our families at CNY. What would it look like if we stopped simply tolerating those annoying relatives, but talked with them and loved them first, instead of putting on a mask that is always smiling. In fact, I really can't stand it when families have to smile all the time to show that we are all "one big happy family." Stop tolerating. Learn to listen and express your feelings with your families even if it means you won't please everyone. Let's be real around the dinner table. This brings me to my next point...
4. We are more concerned with success (business, school, etc.) rather than sharing authentic stories.
When was the last time you heard a raw, authentic story around the CNY dinner table that allowed you to know the ups and downs of that person's life that year? When was the last time that you could feel what that person was feeling, and make you want to know him/her more?
It seems to me that we like to tell stories, but they are only stories of success, like good business or achieving good grades. Often times, it is a list of things we have achieved in the past year. The new year is about celebrating, so they say, and you shouldn't talk about anything that is negative! I really wish that we could share about our failures around the dinner table, so we can all identify with each other and realize that life is not perfect. How can we understand success and the fulness of life until we first be real with each other and share our failures?
5. Chinese New Year is all about consumerism.
Let's be honest. We want the new year to be better than the last year. And that's all right! We should all aim higher. The problem I see is when we try to worship God/gods/idols, hoping that we make the right sacrifices so that our year will have better fortune.
I am not trying to single out temple worship here. Christians are guilty of just the same thing. We think that maybe if we just pray more, read the Bible more, then life will be more filling and my year will turn out better. The problem with that is the consumerist thinking driving it: If I pay or offer my time, I will be rewarded for my contribution/behaviour. It's a worldview that is defined by what I receive in return for what I have given. It's like purchasing good fortunes.
Yes, there are so many other forms of consumerism (i.e. Purdy's and Starbucks make special Chinese New Year products for consumers to consume). What I'm trying to get at here is that we are consumed by a worldview that tells us: Yes, you deserve better, so you better consume culture and receive more money/blessings/business in the process. How do we stop consuming and create culture by investing meaning back into CNY? How can we be a blessing during CNY rather than trying to get things my own way?
So what am I trying to say?
After pointing out 5 things wrong with Chinese New Year, I don't want to leave it there and say it's wrong to celebrate it. And no, in fact, I think we ought to celebrate CNY. I would like to ask 5 questions for us to reframe though.
1. How can we remember that CNY is about family rather than good fortune? (what would it tangibly look like?)
2. What would it look like to re-think red pockets, and look at how we value quality time with each other?
3. What would it look like to be authentic with your family, rather than simply tolerating them?
4. How can you share stories of life (feelings, struggles, successes) rather than simply reporting a list of things you did in the year?
5. What would it look like to stop consuming culture (buying things, praying for success, etc.) and start creating culture by re-imagining the meaning and reason for Chinese New Year?
and finally...
Happy Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese New Year!
